7:51 p.m. - Wednesday, Sept. 01, 2010
22 of 30
My favorite form of self-imposed punishment these days is to re-read the pages of his diary. I made it easy to access said pages last month when I made a folder filled with entries specific to me.
The entry where I tell him I don't want to go to Europe with him . . .
The entry where I go behind his back to try out for Evita . . .
The entry where I ditch him for Charlie . . .
The entry where I keep him waiting for me at the mall for over four hours . . .
And the final entry . . .where he mixes Valium with Klonopin with Inderal with Benadryl with a glass of wine.
Last night I spent hours upon hours studying for the Math portion of the GRE. I can now solve a quadratic equation.
And as I squared my x's and FOILed and divided out my y's . . .I thought of him. My mathematical genius. My second Gemini.
And I got the program from his memorial service out of the closet and stared at his picture. He'll never get older, you know. He'll always be 24.
I wonder if I'll look at his picture when I'm 30 . . .and 40 . . .and 50.
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