8:37 p.m. - Monday, May. 10, 2010
The Story
When I first went away to college, I was in a fragile mental state. I always had body image issues and an intense shyness . . .but when I got onto that campus and my family said goodbye to me and I sat alone in my roommate-less room . . .something broke. I suddenly felt like everyone was looking at me, judging me, hating me . . .I felt like a freak. I couldn't leave my room. Not even to eat. When I finally left my room . . .I ran down to my car, averting my eyes of passersby . . .and I drove home.
Four colleges, a bout of self-mutilation, a sex rampage, the suicide of a friend, and here I am . . .
I gave up working the overnight shifts and got a job which required me to be confident and social. I went back to school part-time and started building up my GPA. I transferred to a four-year school on scholarship, and balanced working and being a student full-time. I've been on the dean's list every semester. I'm about to finally get a degree in music - something I love - after ten years of this bullshit.
I did it. So why don't I feel happy?
Because I feel like - now what? What do I have to show for this? I will still work at this fucking bank with this fucking degree.
Patience is a virtue.
What I Love About My Job:
I love giving tours to the girl and boy scouts. I love seeing their faces light up when we open a safe deposit box full of lollipops. I love watching them study the signatures I hand out and comparing them to the computer image. I love the excitment of pressing buttons in the drive-through.
I love putting together motivational contests and games for the employees. I love thinking it through, incorporating it, and watching to see how it all works out. Not to mention how easily tasks get accomplished.
I love to train new-hires. I love being the voice of encouragement, the giver of patience, the imparter of knowledge. I love saying, "You can do this."
I love when people come to me with problems. I love to look at the problem, think about it, research it, and come up with a solution.
And I love to refund fees. I love to be able to help someone who is struggling. I love to stick it to corporate America by taking the money back out of the pockets of big bankers and into the hands of the struggling community. I love to hear the sound of relief in their voices, the tears of joy.
And degree or not, I'm here.
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