3:27 p.m. - Thursday, Aug. 09, 2012
Can the body know before the mind?
I was about 30 minutes into a 45-minute run when I suddenly realized I hadn't been paying attention to anything. I wasn't hearing the music in my ears, I wasn't seeing the trees around me, I wasn't feeling the quickening of breath with the increase in elevation. And when I noticed that I wasn't noticing anything - I instantly became accutely aware of an intense stabbing pain in my . . .I don't know what to call it . . .the area below my chest but above my belly button. I must have been holding my breath. I couldn't get air into this space. It was getting stuck there. And that stuck feeling of breath was creating a sense of panic. I was anxious and nervous . . .about nothing - or everything. After noticing nothing for 30 minutes, I was now noticing everything. I could feel the panic run down my legs and my arms. I tried to slow my breath and make it fill my stomach to expand this area that was clenched shut . . .I breathed intentionally this way for the 15 minutes that remained of my run. But I couldn't shake the anxiety . . .couldn't fill that place with air. I don't know what that means. If it means anything at all. I do know that after lunch I usually creep back to my room to hide until our next session. But today I lingered around in the common areas . . .and even played ping pong with some of the others. Maybe my body knew before I did that today was the day I would stretch my boundaries.
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