3:40 p.m. - Saturday, Aug. 13, 2011
The darkness has not overcome it . . .
It breaks my heart to let him go. We sat reviewing things which at one time or another had been helpful. And he shared stories of his own experience. After the move, it won't be practical to see him as often. Also, Mabus has been a fucking bitch lately and really making it hard for Sara to be present. So I feel guilty showing up with Mabus on my back like the fucking cunt whore she is. Need some time to sort it out on my own.
The Red Room is going to be the fucking end of me, I swear. Or my salvation. Not sure which. I bent my leg into warrior, trying impossibly to shift my eyes in some direction that alleviated the pain of seeing my own reflection.
On the floor, I closed my eyes and tried to let the chanting drown her out. Then suddenly . . .I felt compassion for her. She's only trying to help. She is the one that feels the pain. She is the one that feels fear, sadness, loss, anxiety . . .and she is so alone . . .she's doing the only thing she knows how to do to keep herself safe.
"I understand you," I told her. I understand you . . .I understand you . . .I understand you.
Now, can I love you?
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