7:23 p.m. - Tuesday, Jun. 29, 2010
Death
By a strange twist of fate, my Safety Awareness class was cancelled on Wednesday - so I went to a different class this morning instead.
She walked in ten minutes after I did. Woah. What are the odds of this girl I haven't seen in over a year showing up to the same robbery awareness class I was taking - two days after I had a dream about her? In which we were being robbed. Fucking weird, man.
So two nights ago, I had a dream that the bank was robbed. The guy pointed the gun right in my face. I held my hand over the barrel of the gun, begging him not to shoot . . .
My initial reaction was . . .wow, I want to live after all. I sometimes imagine how easy it would be to slip off into nothingness. And I wonder if I really care about this life at all. That dream initially made me think I really do have the will to live. Then I thought about it some more, and I realized - maybe it was just pain I was trying to avoid. Not death at all.
Did I ever tell you about the one where I was sentenced to death? And they tried to inject me, but I wouldn't die? They had to keep injecting me over and over again . . .but it just didn't work.
And once I had a dream that it was my job to kill puppies. And for some reason I thought throwing them against the wall would do the trick. But it didn't. And I had to keep throwing them and throwing them . . .
What the hell? What does this mean? I appear to have an overactive sense of self-awareness . . .but some of this shit . . .I don't think I'll ever work out.
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