9:39 p.m. - Saturday, Jun. 19, 2010
The Wheel
Why does it feel so good?
To be objectified. Brutalized. Humiliated. Isolated.
And why does love feel so bad?
Burning the skin like acid. A swift kick to the gut. A hand gripping the throat.
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Anyway . . .
I had my first interview yesterday. In which I was the interviewer. So I guess this is real. So I guess I'm really doing this.
Quit the show. Don't know if I said that already. I've been very emotional over the past few days while I was making the decision . . .but I've numbed up now, so all is back to normal. No more feeling! Perfect.
Saw a movie last night on HBO, which I don't know why we still have, since we aren't paying for it . . .And the one guy's parents had a feeling wheel. And they would play a game where he and his sister would put the arrow on the emotion they were feeling.
How nice it would be to have my own little feeling wheel. Maybe I could carry it around with me in my pocket . . .and whenever someone asks me, "How do you feel about such and such?" I can take out my wheel and say, "Oh yes, I feel . . .elated, content, triumphant, enthralled, irritated, frustrated, hostile, hopeful, shameful, alienated, or compassionate . . .about that."
And you want to know a secret? I just googled those emotions. Because I couldn't think of any on my own.
I do know one . . .
Rage!
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