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1:39 p.m. - Monday, Feb. 01, 2010
A Winter's Day
Having a negative energy day. My skin is so itchy from walking in the winter air. I'm covered in cruelty-free lotion . . .but it only helps a little. When I was in the bathroom examining the damage, I just stopped to stare at my ugly body. How can I appreciate this? How can I love this? Even knowing that I'm actively doing my best . . .

I still hate myself for this.

I shuddered to touch my own body. To heal my red, cracking thighs, to sooth my lower back and my hips. I did it out of necessity to heal, not intention to comfort. Dry and bumpy and ugly. It hurts to be touched. Like ugly is a disease and I'm afraid of contaminating others.

Just a bad mental day.

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