9:28 p.m. - Wednesday, Jan. 27, 2010
Remembering
I had a friend who killed himself last year. That's not technically confirmed, but he was mentally unwell, young, abused drugs and alcohol, and died suddenly. They used the funeral Mass he had planned himself. I don't know if I've told this story before. We had become estranged after I pushed everyone close to me out of my life. Sometimes I have pangs of longing . . .
I miss him. I miss knowing someone so deep, so honest. He felt so connected to me. Honestly, I have never met anyone who was so similar to me . . .I have never met anyone who has been able to come so close to me . . .
I miss that. I want that. I want to connect to someone. I want someone to really get me. I want to understand someone on that deep level.
You can read his diary at edouard.diaryland.com. I'm his kindred spirit in those pages. I'm a villain in those pages. I tried to post a comment, but of course his membership has lapsed . . .
So I'll post it here, because I feel it. And I need it to be heard.
I'm sorry for what happened to our friendship. I was going through some dark things, just like you were. I didn't know how to handle that. I pushed everyone away. Not just you. It wasn't you. I loved you. I wish I could know you now. I called you a few months before you died. You didn't call me back. But I was always thinking of you. I still do.
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